HURT

I’ve become an unproductive mess today. We don’t even have a title and I’m already getting hurt. Should this be my first real RED flag? It’s a constant battle with trying to keep my emotions in check with this guy. I truly care about him and think we could be amazing together if he can just let go.

Since technically I’m still single. My mom decides that she wants to set me up with a doctor who lives close to her. It’s not even like I agreed or anything but I mentioned it to SMALLZ and he’s obviously missing the most important part of this all which was the fact that I didn’t agree to go and that even though we don’t have a title I’m still strictly exclusive to him. I was being brutally honest about everything with him but now I’m starting to think that maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe there are somethings that I should learn to filter and as long as its not hurting him then he shouldn’t know about it. But is that truly being honest. How can he even act this way considering we are just dating and he’s just as open to date as I am. Maybe I should just have that talk with him about where we stand. If you consider yourself single, then you are open to date and date as much as you want. I guess if we flip this and he was telling me that he was going on a date then I might react the same. But if we set some guidelines like we don’t have a title and until then we both can date as much as we want. But then I think, he has trust issues. Will me dating only push him away and I could lose this great guy.

But after talking more about the issue with him, He keeps bringing about his past and how his exes would get during conversation points. I AM NOT YOUR PAST. I AM NOT THEM NOR WILL I EVER BE. It’s not fair. It’s not fair to keep analyzing me against them and expecting me to react the same as them. IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. It’s the same for him. I like him for him. I don’t compare. I don’t wait for him to act the same as any of my exes because he is his own person. If I constantly kept comparing him to my exes then why even date because right off the bat its doomed. If he can’t let go of his past, we are constantly gonna have problems. And I can’t be in a relationship like this. Its been close to two months and I know now that he’s been holding back so much and not talking to me because he still just can’t let go.

And when I keep thinking about this. I should date more. I should see what else is out there because if I keep getting attached, I’m gonna get my heartbroken.

~talesofasinglewoman

Baggage carrying over…

Baggage, I guess first, lets define baggage. Baggage for me represents something in your past that you just can’t let go of. It could be hurt, jealously, trust issues, sadness, etc. Anything really that stops you from being who you really are. Baggage could also represent children or an ex-wife/husband that is always in the way or gets into your business way too much. Children doesn’t really affected me so much as emotional baggage does.

In every new relationship, I feel like baggage is expected. But there are proper ways of dealing with baggage, I guess, without it affecting the new relationship. For example, my previous relationship as many of you know was horrible. I was treated much less than I deserved and I put up with it because I settled. But I would not bring any of that hurt into a new potential relationship. It was not the new person’s fault for  what any of my exes did to me nor do I expect them to understand what I’ve been through. It’s easier, for me at least, to never talk of it ever to anyone new guy in my life. I recently started talking to a guy, we’ll nickname him SMALLZ, who has true potential and who I’m having so much fun with. But he has baggage and lots of it. When he truly lets go of it and puts his wall down in front of me, I see this spark in him that truly gets me excited. But for me, what ruins it is the more he speaks about his past relationships the more I get turned off especially his most recent one. She has truly damaged an amazing guy. This should be a typical rule for everyone, that exes should never be talked about like they are still present or mention then as your girlfriend. Talking about your exes is a complete  NO NO, should never ever be brought up. Everything else about him is amazing but I truly wish I could take away the pain that his ex has brought on him because he is genuinely a great guy who has so many qualities that would make anyone fall in love with him. I mean don’t get me wrong your past definitely teaches you to be a better person and somewhat defines you, but until you let go of it, it will continue to bring you down. He talks about his ex so much that I sometimes feel as though he is still not over her and it bums me out because I truly do like him. I feel like he is so closed off and suffering so much inside that there is no real way of reaching him. But can I really punish him for still dealing with his baggage or do I just let him go. At this point, we still talk all day and will FaceTime for all hours of the night. But lately, since I’ve seen him last, the talking and FaceTime has gotten less and less. And as he brings up his past and how conflicted he is, I feel like he is not ready for any type of relationship and he is still not over her as much as he says he is. And I can’t move forward with him.  As many great things there are about him, I think I need to step back and let him figure things out. But for me this is going to be extremely hard because I know I will be letting go of one of the first guys that I have truly been excited about in a long long time.

Women/Men… Don’t bring your ex up or any of your exes up in any new relationship. Don’t compare him/her to your ex. And definitely listen to your inner gut feeling about a guy/girl if he/she is still caught up with their past baggage. Don’t bring any past issues like trust and jealous into the new relationship because your only punishing them for something that your ex did to you.  If he/she asks about your past, just make it brief and to the point. Don’t elaborate and don’t give more information that actually needed or asked. The new relationship will only suffer if you continue to bring them down along side your baggage that you can’t let go of.  And more importantly, DONT RUIN A PERSON FOR SOMEONE ELSE. If you don’t want to be with them let them go. The more hurt you cause on them, the more damage they will be for someone else. And that in turn will come back full circle to you. I truly believe that baggage is something that can be avoidable and the only way it can’t is children. There are so many others out there that have less baggage that will be truly committed in making you happy. And if you can’t get over the new person’s baggage, then move on.

And to the SMALLZ, I know that I said I wouldn’t write about you. But you know I live in my head and know that this is the only way I can get everything out. I like you a lot and you truly are an amazing guy who deserves the world. You deserve happiness and true love that your past hasn’t shown you. I wish I could be this person for you and show you everything that your missing out on but I can’t until you let go of whatever your holding on to.  Don’t let your past or your continual struggle define you now as a person. Let it go and move on. It gets better if you let it and be positive about your future. If not for me, of the next person you decide to bring into your life. I’m still going to fight for you but eventually that fight will go away and I will want someone who can offer me more than what you can give me.

I guess my story with SMALLZ is TBA…..

~talesofasinglewoman